Thursday, April 30, 2009

WHO? Swine Flu that's who...

Dear hearts,

Miss Mich has been thinking about her bio security of late. With all of this Swine Flu business on top of the Avian crisis of 2004, Miss Mich is hoping that there are no pandemics on the horizon relating to Elephantitus (thick ankles, or cankles as the bright young things refer to them, will never do).

Rest assured Miss Mich has been doing her research both on the net as well as screening her friends. One snort from Sha ron Morrie and thats it...

It appears that pigs can mix and match their flu's, a little like Miss Mich mixing and matching her cocktails..the headache that results from both should be a lesson to you all. We have been warned by the experts to expect the unexpected when it comes to flu...I must confide that I do not feel confident when the experts are telling me there are no flu rules. This is no mere Bikie war, Dear hearts..

Quoted in that most venerable of publications, The Daily Times - A new voice for Pakistan, is the fear of Swine Flu spreading like a Mexican wave (don't you love it..). The more pressing question being posed further at the top of the e page is do you want to meet sexy muslim singles? I feel a case of Oxymoron coming on, catch me if I swoon..(or swine)

God love Google. One can view data relating to Swine Flu trends. Miss Mich made the mistake of thinking there may be a style angle here, some designer face masks perhaps and was a little dissapointed to only find a couple of pedestrian graphs and advertising for other google services. Ho hum..

What Miss Mich did find that was more than interesting was info of the very first pandemic in recorded history. Picture this: 430BC, everyone is into wearing toga's, the mumu of Greece. The Peloponnesian war is in full swing. Athens and Sparta are at it. It makes Miss Mich think of Tony Curtis in Sparticus v Russell Crowe in Gladiator..(ok I'm mixing my Greeks and Romans, just like Miss Mich and her cocktails, but the imagery is good). Thucydides, war correspondent for News Ltd BC gets the front page scoop: "Mystery flu kills 30 000 Athenians". You do realise, Dear hearts, that constituted two thirds of the Athenian population..imagine the real estate opportunites...

The symptoms were really scary. To do the disease justice I quote Thucydides "People in good health were all of a sudden attacked by violent heats in the head, and redness and inflammation in the eyes, the inward parts, such as the throat or tongue, becoming bloody and emitting an unnatural and fetid breath" It gets worse. Next came coughing and diarrhea, spasms and skin ulcers. A handful survived , but often without their fingers, sights and even genitals. Genitals, excuse me? To lose one's sporting equipment would be worse than expiration itself!

With all of this in mind, Miss Mich has decided that there will be no sharing of bodily fluids, (thank the Greek Gods I am still under the cloak), sneezing (although a good sneeze can be as satisfying as a little sport) or BLT's for breakfast (just in case).

Enjoy Tuesday.

Love Miss Mich

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

The Charm Bracelet

Dear hearts,

It is time to share some of the charms with you. Why now you ask? Why not I say. There will be wisdom to be taken from the stories and lessons learned in how to disgrace oneself in the most charming way.

Unlike most bright young things, Miss Mich did not begin to sew her wild oats until she was shall we say, set free by the sperm donor who is the father of the incumbent bright young things. As much as Miss Mich would like to claim the babies as immaculate conception, and even though she may have been thinking of England at the time, he was, and she was, actually present.

So there was Miss Mich, the single world her oyster. It was just beginning Spring, so with a spring in her step and a new wardrobe by her side, Miss Mich was suddenly "on the market".

When one goes shopping, one tends to shop locally. That way, there is a confidence that the provenance of the produce is of a calibre that is acceptable and the quality assured. This is how Miss Mich added her first charm, the Accountant, to the bracelet. He was familiar, (he had been creative with the family trust), younger (which was excellent for the ego) and played tennis (sport- obvi).

It was just the thing Miss Mich needed to get her back in the game. Her tennis improved, her stamina increased and her ego blushed at the thought of the years in between. This Maori money warrior amused Miss Mich long enough to provide several occasions of dinner and a show, (he could cook as well).

Did Miss Mich disgrace herself with this charm?

The interlude was brief, the frienship continued even after the question was posed to which Miss Mich was forced to reply, "don't ask a question you may not want the answer to..." and the family trust survived for a few years longer. So upon reflection, Dear hearts, I think Miss Mich escaped rather well, and did not in fact disgrace herself. She saved that for the Farmer...

But more of that charm later.

Enjoy creative fiscal responsibilty and Wednesday.

Love Miss Mich

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Word Play

Dear hearts,

Apart from sport, which we all know is perhaps Miss Mich's greatest love, Miss Mich has another is a love that has grown along with Miss Mich.

Beguiled by D.H. Lawrence, T.S.Eliot, Jane Austin, Tom Robbins, Jack Kerouak, Charles Bukowski, Pablo Neruda, David Malouf, and Miss Mich's eternal favourite Patrick White, these darlings just to begin with; is words that Miss Mich has as her muse.

Discussing, or perhaps debating, with the Green Guru over bubbles and Low Isles this weekend, Miss Mich took the bull by the horns and starting roping phrases. Beginning with acerbic wit, moving onto dismissive disdain and ending up with caustic sarcasm (Sha ron Morrie are you there?), Miss Mich was, along with the bubbles, settling into the saddle, getting up a good lope and working her way into a very smooth flying change of her favourite academic sport.

Word Play. Definitely capital letter worthy.

Miss Mich loves a good word almost as much as a good sporting partner, her idea of heaven being that aspirational and divine combo of both. It is however, somewhat like searching for a pair of Prada shoes in Cairns Central, highly unlikely. It is possible it exists and Miss Mich is coming around to the idea that it may, but early days Dear hearts, the Barrier Reef is great and there are many reefs and cays to explore before one can be sure..(but I digress and am beginning to mix my metaphors)

Back to words. Personally, I can't live without them. They amuse me, work for me, identify me. Words allow me to keep those I value close (you Dear hearts) and those I cannot tolerate at a distance. Delivered with love, humour and a healthy dose of self deprecation, Miss Mich manages to share the love and offend the very few. Not bad odds considering how close to the wind Miss Mich's comments can sail. (There I go again mixing those mataphors like a Long Island Iced Tea)

Miss Mich is going to leave you with a few of her favourite one liners.

"If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they will kill you"
- Oscar Wilde

"It is absurd to divide people into good and bad. People are either charming or tedious"
- Oscar Wilde (obvi)

"The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: that's the essence of inhumanity"
- George Bernard Shaw

"We only know of one duty, and that is to love"
- Albert Camus

"I hope you love birds too. It is economical. It saves going to heaven."
- Emily Dickinson

Share the word love and enjoy Tuesday.

Love Miss Mich

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

More Sport

Dear hearts,

Miss Mich has been sharing herself between two of her favourite sports lately. Sadly, as she is still under the cloak, her most favourite sport sits in the corner waiting for the bell. A little more time under said cloak along with a consolidation of one's position and we may see a change. Slowly, slowly. Rest assured, Dear hearts, you will be the first to share the rub down and the run down of that first foray out into the ring...

Back to the more pedestrian of sport activities. Miss Mich loves her tennis and was extremely chuffed when asked to play with some of the big boys at the best courts in town. Location is everything and it was lovely to play by the sea and under the trees. The Ghost who Walks who invited Miss Mich along to play set the tone by only promising Miss Mich a trial. Whilst Miss Mich was confident she would hold up, she was also nervous at the thought of such close scrutiny and so opted to wear the teeniest weeniest of shorts for back up (or bending over ...) distraction being her best shot if her back hand failed her.

To her and her back hands credit she did not need the bending over shot and proved herself well enough to be invited back next week. With a sigh of relief Miss Mich sauntered off into the night to pick up the bright young things and tootle home.

We all know how Miss Mich feels about her sailing and must confess that it is her number 2 favourite. The weekend promises Low Isles, a spin in the Zodiac (just for relief) and lots of little fishy's.

So where is today's wisdom you ask...I must admit I'm asking myself the same question. Suffice to say that a healthy body makes for a happy punter and nowhere else could one have the opportunity to play all sports in this beautiful rainforest meets the sea environment we have here in the far far north.

Go out and play I say. And have some serious sport for me.

Enjoy Thursday.

Love Miss Mich

Monday, April 20, 2009

A Capital Idea

Dear hearts,

Sha ron Morrie has made it known to Miss Mich that she feels there are not enough Capital Letter worthy subjects making their way into The Guide. Now it is true that Miss Mich has been somewhat beguiled by the sea of late and after casting her eye over the last few entries, Miss Mich concedes that enough of her mistress (La Beau Mer) for the moment, and more of the subjects that are going to make you, Dear hearts, appear terribly clever and have something intelligent to say next time you are standing in the super marche queue, at the bar or in your next meeting.

Miss Mich loves the concept of the "Consultant". This is totally Capital Letter worthy. Miss Mich has entertained the notion of becoming a "consultant" for many years. She remembers discussing it with one of her best friends, Jules Dog, at her kitchen table in Bellevue Hill in the summer of 1999, and just loving the idea of a business card that reads simply....

.... Consultant ....

It reminds Miss Mich a little of being something of a fortune teller. Tell me what you need and I will consult. If you feel a correlation to Consolidating One's Position you are definitely on to something...

It's all about the magic of "perceived knowledge". What you need to go with this perceived knowledge is confidence. The confidence to have a considered and informed opinion on any given topic that falls within your sphere of said consultancy. This, Dear hearts, is irrespective of whether in fact, you have any actual knowledge of the subject. Sounds confusing?...exactly.

Miss Mich has based most of her best career moves and a good chunk of her former life on this exact premise. The fact that it did not help with any of the charms is another story and the only flaw in this concept becoming "Self Help" book worthy.

At the end of the day, Dear hearts, all one can do is take one's strengths, perceived or otherwise, out into the marketplace and share the love. Miss Mich has done this literally and figuratively with a certain amount of well received success. It has made her the pen seller and sportswoman she is today.

Enjoy Wednesday.

With love and consultation

Miss Mich

Sunday, April 19, 2009

The Romance of the Sea

Dear hearts,

Miss Mich does love the weekend. The pens are loking after themselves and the bright young things are out and about which leaves Miss Mich to amuse herself.

As you all know, Miss Mich loves the water. Adores the sea and all its little fishy's. Sailing with the Green Guru, who is a patient and fair Captain, Miss Mich is learning the ropes, setting the sails and having a whale of a time.

There is a romance of the sea that is hard to resist and when the weather fair and the waves kind, there is nothing to be done but capitulate. The far far north provides too many little spots to lose oneself, swim about and find refuge and quiet anchorage.

Being out on the water with a sky and horizon line that stretch forever with no end in sight, puts into perspective ourselves and our place in the world. Miss Mich likes nothing more than to stand on the deck, wind in her own sails and daydream. Miss Mich is perhaps getting a little sentimental here and will have to channel a little of the Shar on Morrie before things get too sappy.

I'm not sure that the Afghani's when on their perilous trip from Indonesia to Australia would feel the same sense of romance as Miss Mich, and all one can hope is that the government will be as kind to these people as the winds on the weekend were to Miss Mich and the aptly named good ship "Sanctuary".

Enjoy fair weather, tolerance and Monday.

Love Miss Mich

Friday, April 17, 2009

Wisdom for the Young

Dear hearts,

It's Friday evening and Miss Mich is just home from sharing the pen love with those sweet young apprentices and trainees. Miss Mich's benevolent benefactor, the big Kahuna, Churchill of the stationery world and all round good guy supports every year those bright young things who will end up, (along with Miss Mich's favourite son), building our houses, tiling our kitchens and installing our kick arse media rooms.

Along with the far far north's employers who give these darlings a job and the opportunity to make their way, our said Churchill puts his money where his pens are and lends a hand. The Apprentice of the Year and the Trainee of the Year were both gorgeous and talented and well deserved their awards.

Miss Mich presented her awards looking fabo, obvi, and enjoyed her moment in the bright lights.

The bright young things Miss Mich has coming through the cottage to see her babies are all so engaging, they give Miss Mich heart that the future is indeed bright.

There is just one thing...

They are all so self absorbed. Now no one is more self interested than Miss Mich. Just ask Sha ron Morrie. She of the cynical and somewhat bitter, has sat through hours of stories and historie's of Miss Mich's charms. Charms will be explained at length very soon Dear hearts, I promise. The only saving grace of the stories being that of Miss Mich's innate and natural ability to disgrace herself at all levels. Willingly and with total self effacement. What makes all of this bearable really is Miss Mich's humour, she is naturally funny (obvi). Especially when she falls over... Naked.

But enough of that.

Back to the self absorbed young ones. It is all about them. Excuse me?...

If I could remember what they go on about I would go on about it. They talk about themselves to each other , but mostly at each other. They do each others make up and hair, swap clothes and shoes and boyfriends, and God love them go out the door in a blur because I can't tell them apart. Thank goodness I have the memory of the umbilical cord to remember which are mine. I send them out with that string intact, sending them energy not unlike the whole string theory concept (stay tuned for that one as well) and am grateful when they make it home, only to regale me with self absorbed stories about who did what to whom and when and why, and sorry I can't focus any more, someone bring me wine...

Having said all that, I would not be without them. They entertain me almost as much as I entertain them. They have introduced me to Facebook, included me in their pre evening drinks and keep me young. I watch them sing, hang out, act goofy with them and get as many cuddles as I give. They make me laugh and I make them correct their grammer, straighten their bra straps and give them the three points of wisdom to get them through any night out any where.

1. Protection. Obvi.
2. Throw up if you drink too much.
3. Jeff Buckley. ( don't swim if pissed)

That wisdom has made it's way throughout the eastern suburbs of Sydney and all of Cairns and saved many. I stand by it and so do my babies.

Share the knowledge and be safe...

Enjoy the weekend.

Love Miss Mich

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Sport of Zodiac Racing

Dear hearts,

We all know Miss Mich loves her sport. All of her sport. She likes it fast and furious, yes, just like the movie with that cute blond boy..and Vin Diesel isn't too bad either.

If it is tennis, Miss Mich likes to whack that ball hard. She is learning temperence and control thanks to her everpatient coach. To his credit, he has shown that it is possible to harness all of that excess energy and have it stay in the same court in the same suburb.

With sailing, Miss Mich likes as many knots and sails up as posssible. She will sit with her head to the side like that blue heeler with his head out the car window, wind in the face - loving it.

If Miss Mich is going to swim, she will swim until she is pruny of fingers and bedraggled of hair, the sun leaving its mark and the salt its crust.

As for her favourite sport, well there is much to be said, not all of it here and not all of it now. Suffice to say Miss Mich has excellent stamina and quite the skill, believing in practice making perfect, variety making fun.

Well, now Dear hearts, Miss Mich has a new sport. Introduced by the Green Guru, Miss Mich will be ever grateful and constantly pulling at the sleeve of said guru, to go again and again, and faster and faster...

The art of Zodiac racing we shall call it. Zooming around High Island over the Easter weekend, airborn, surfing waves, hooting and laughing, adrenaline pumping, gave Miss Mich the same satisfaction as her most favourite sport. Given the fact that Miss Mich is currently under the cloak (the same cloak that makes Harry Potter invisible, makes Miss Mich's libido invisible), it was a great joy to feel as spent as the best sport at the end of the ride. And what a ride!

In the immortal words of Roy and HG: "when too much sport is not enough.." Miss Mich would simply like to concur.

Enjoy Hump(!) day.

With love from under the cloak

Miss Mich

Monday, April 13, 2009

Wisdom and the Open Sea

Where to start Dear hearts,

Always with a point of wisdom. Miss Mich's wisdom, obvi.

As imparted to the crew of the good ship Sanctuary over the Easter weekend, Miss Mich felt it necessary to reflect back. Way a pearl that came about as a result of an afternoon of mind altering indulgence and a good throwing of the I Ching.

Consolidate One's Position. As promised in my introduction to the Guide, all the capital letter worthy subjects would be covered and this dear hearts, is one of them.

It is universal and non gender specific. It is political, strategic, and most importantly buys you time.

Use it as a red herring when in a curly situation. I, as a 17 year old used it most successfully to avoid sport and make tracks out of a mad man's lair. But it has several applications. When asked if you have finished that report: " I just need to consolidate the firm's position before I run this by you, Sir.." When the bank rings asking for last months credit card payment: "I'm just consolidating my financial position and will be in touch..." ( a much more creative way than saying the cheque's in the mail). When the bright young things ask why there is no food in the fridge, only wine and water.."I'm consolidating our calorie position and have decided on a liquid diet going forward, wine for Mummy and water for you..."

So you see, dear hearts, Consolidating One's Position has a myriad of benefits and throws the opposition, (whomever that may be) into confusion. Allowing you to escape through the dust of your own creative smoke screen. Used to effect, you will not only avoid the situation at hand, but leave behind the impression that you are terribly clever as well.

As Miss Mich is typing away, she feels as if she is still on the high seas. Her Plimpsol line is bobbing up and down and yet there are pens to sell.

With that in mind I must consolidate my position and my balance and tootle off to share the pen love.

Enjoy Tuesday.

Love Miss Mich

Sunday, April 5, 2009

The Divine Miss M

Dear hearts,

Quite the weekend was had with the lovely Miss Mellie gracing our shores. It was activities plus as we tootled around enjoying the best of the far north.

I must share a couple of the highlights. Sailing with the Green Guru on Saturday was perhaps the most ideal day on the water this year. The sea was blue, the bubbles chilled and Jimmy Buffett cruisy. Being the musical patron saint of all yachties, it is de riguer to have him serenade as one scans the water line for turtles and all creatures fishy. The junior yachties tacking off Ellis Beach provided pretty spinaker flags as they raced out towards Double Island, young Jack Sparrow amongst them.

The evening brought entertainment and edification such as the far north has not seen with Miss Mellie and Miss Mich giving Karaoke the reputation it deserves. The Captain and Tennile as well as Elton and Kiki were honoured along the the lovely Ms Carole King. Suffice to say, Miss Mich was in her element, brilliant (obvi) and along with Miss Mellie made the perfect duo.

A certain New Zealand white at said Karaoke proved to be somewhat on the nose. In the words of one of my darling B's "It doesn't matter how big it is, if it's off, it's off". And as it was definitely on the turn, Miss Mellie and I decided to pour it out somewhere in Manunda. With that kind of provenance, we should have known no good would come of it. Nothing of the Malborough about this one.

Sunday brought with it the coastal road to Port and beautiful sunshine. After fortification and strong coffee it was into the Edge Hills to debrief the weekend so far. Doris Day, octogenarian dyke and saver of the lost dog sang of her secret love and we all sighed que sera sera. The only pillow talk going on between her and the lovely Rock Hudson was comparing notes mano a mano. Onwards after to the Espy where the eldest bright young thing sang like a bird to the travellers and the revellers.

Miss Mellie checked in to Qantas with a tear in her eye and the promise to come back soon. Miss Mich took the coast road back to the beaches reflecting on a most successful weekend and settled in front of that lovely reality that is Sunday night TV.

Enjoy the rest of Monday.

Love Miss Mich